Friday, January 15, 2010
Inch by Inch
Well, I am on my way! Ate well yesterday, worked out, and got tons of work done. Today, I am sitting in the sun in South Carolina, listening to the birds and thrilled to, once again, know that I can kick myself upside the head when necessary.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Life is life.
Yes, it has been a while.
Even though life is great in many aspects, and basically good, things still jump up and block the pretty view. Since shortly after my last post, I've been dealing with a family problem that appears to be bigger than any idea, instinct, desire, approach any of us can dream up. A dear and close relative has an alcohol problem, coupled with possibly other chemical inbalances, that has brought her to the edge of disaster and the lives of those around her into chaos.
For a while this was a 24/7 operation since she was staying with us. Yeah, yeah, I know I think I can solve any problem if I just try hard enough. Well, I failed and, after four weeks of chaos, drove myself into a depression with the effort.
The chaos made it so difficult to get even the simplest thing done, unless it involved commitments to other people. I did manage to have 27 people for Thanksgiving, teach four days, pull together a dinner for Christmas eve involving a roast goose, overpack for our trip South. However, that was when I was faced with daily chaos and had something to fight. I was energized with the desire to "handle" things. When my relative left, three weeks ago, the depression set in. Now, the simplest phone call or errand has just sits in my brain, saying "handle this today, handle this today."
All I have been able to think is that I have no business being depressed. I'm not about to be homeless, have tons of business scheduled for this year, have a husband who has been a saint about this, friends who have stepped up to this messy plate to offer wonderful support. So today, I am just stopping the depression crap.
My fabulous sister-in-law once told me that when one is depressed and is told the solution is sitting on a desk ten feet away, the ten feet is impossible to negotiate. So today, I just jumped over the ten feet. Ate a good breakfast, am about to start a quarter's worth of expense reports, and will get out to walk my friends, Eddie and Lulu, who have been spending a lot of unsupervised time in the yard.
I'm writing this so you will all hold be accountable.
One other point is that I am blown away by all the old friends, some life-long, of my relative, who have gone to great lengths to contact me with concern. My relative is a remarkable person to engender this kind of love after what turns out to be forty years of creating chaos in her own life and the lives of those who care about her. Each friend is from a different part of her life, and very clear about the problem, so it is especially impressive. Lesser friends would have given up years ago.
Even though life is great in many aspects, and basically good, things still jump up and block the pretty view. Since shortly after my last post, I've been dealing with a family problem that appears to be bigger than any idea, instinct, desire, approach any of us can dream up. A dear and close relative has an alcohol problem, coupled with possibly other chemical inbalances, that has brought her to the edge of disaster and the lives of those around her into chaos.
For a while this was a 24/7 operation since she was staying with us. Yeah, yeah, I know I think I can solve any problem if I just try hard enough. Well, I failed and, after four weeks of chaos, drove myself into a depression with the effort.
The chaos made it so difficult to get even the simplest thing done, unless it involved commitments to other people. I did manage to have 27 people for Thanksgiving, teach four days, pull together a dinner for Christmas eve involving a roast goose, overpack for our trip South. However, that was when I was faced with daily chaos and had something to fight. I was energized with the desire to "handle" things. When my relative left, three weeks ago, the depression set in. Now, the simplest phone call or errand has just sits in my brain, saying "handle this today, handle this today."
All I have been able to think is that I have no business being depressed. I'm not about to be homeless, have tons of business scheduled for this year, have a husband who has been a saint about this, friends who have stepped up to this messy plate to offer wonderful support. So today, I am just stopping the depression crap.
My fabulous sister-in-law once told me that when one is depressed and is told the solution is sitting on a desk ten feet away, the ten feet is impossible to negotiate. So today, I just jumped over the ten feet. Ate a good breakfast, am about to start a quarter's worth of expense reports, and will get out to walk my friends, Eddie and Lulu, who have been spending a lot of unsupervised time in the yard.
I'm writing this so you will all hold be accountable.
One other point is that I am blown away by all the old friends, some life-long, of my relative, who have gone to great lengths to contact me with concern. My relative is a remarkable person to engender this kind of love after what turns out to be forty years of creating chaos in her own life and the lives of those who care about her. Each friend is from a different part of her life, and very clear about the problem, so it is especially impressive. Lesser friends would have given up years ago.
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